Ramblings of an UnBooked Photographer in October

I think we all go through moments of self-doubt... and people who claim that never happens to them very may well be suffering from some sort of mental disorder! All jokes aside (or was I joking?), I am having serious self-doubt when it comes to photography. 

I haven't had one portrait session since last May. 

Not.

One.

Where did the portrait clients go?

I miss doing portrait work! 

It's not just me, I have had several fellow photographers discuss this with me. Where are the Senior Sessions? Where are the family gigs? Couples?

While some of us are feeling the slump, others seem to be flourishing by...
1. reaching out to clientel outside of Franklin County
2. or just DOMINATING the biz in our area (we do have some that are THAT good!)
3. mixing it up and shooting "bordouir" photos
4. Real Estate / Business photography work
5. teaching workshops (which I am seriously considering)
6. Craft & Art Shows! 

Even myself, I can honestly say - I am having more "luck" helping out local businesses with my photography, or being asked for postcards for area towns and neighboring counties. 

Future PostCard for Gasconade County - Owensville, MO area. 

However, I actually do enjoy portrait work, and while sweeping landscapes, lovely light, natural scenes, and architecture are all enjoyable - I can't help but question "What am I not doing right?"

Some people say I charge too much, while several others say I charge too little. 

Other people say that EVERYONE is a photographer these days, which I can admit - I am noticing to be true. Seems like someone takes a class and gets a fancy DSLR and BAM! they have a facebook page and are taking money from people left and right... 

...but where does that leave me? The teacher chick who has been into photography since she was in the single digits and even studied it in college? 

Me. The teacher chick who LOVES her camera!

Lately I've been feeling bummed about the lack of portrait work, so tonight when I was having one of my mini-mental-meltdowns over my art, I headed out to Robertsville State Park. 

The .8 mile loop I love is awash in yellow and green now. The light was so beautiful, as always. 

Yellows and Greens tonight on my little .8 mile loop at Robertsville State Park.

I did my usual dance with the four deer that like to notice me, run near me, hide, stare, and then repeat it again... we've done this dance a lot since this past August. I don't even attempt to photograph them, I just enjoy the game. 

I said hello to my two favorite trees. They are mammoth old wise souls. I noticed the two long vines that form a cross are still precariously hanging in limbo... waiting for a wind strong enough to knock them down one of these days... (or years). 

It was peaceful. 

Berries One.... not bad... 

Berries Two. Kneeled down to get the light/bokeh effect in the background. May not be as "focused" all around with the motion blur from the wind, but I love this one much better than the first one. Time on the trail to LOOK and play... that's priceless for me. Time to experiment is a good thing, especially away from the "noise" of life.  

I left the trail only to see a fantastic full moon on the rise. My camera's battery finally gave out... leaving me just to watch and enjoy. 

Hello Moon! WOW! 

Just as my camera died... 

I drove through the campground... which is always a dangerous thing for me to do during the school year when I am working. There were four different little worlds... all camping and enjoying the lovely fall night. Seeing such sights gives me dangrous thoughts. Sell it all off. Downsize. Be a vagabond with wifi, a laptop, and a camera. 

Oh, to be "free" in the fall to see more of this during the day! 

Don't worry, mom. Reality always kicks in and I remind myself I have at least 11 or 12 more years until retirement, and health insurance matters... and my daughter needs stability in these formative years. ;-)

So, I may not be booked full like usual in October with portrait work. Maybe it's time I "be still" and listen to God. Maybe this is Him reminding me I gotta stay focused on that day job for at least 11 or 12 more years... and that there's other opportunities to click the shutter. Perhaps He is telling me that sometimes just to "be" and enjoy the games with the white-tail deer is more satisfying than making a sale or making sure someone's hair looks good and their eyes aren't squinty. 

Luckily, I don't "need" MK Designs to "make" money. Through a lot of hard work and dedication, I have established a fairly good career that allows my hobby/craft to be as it is - not as I think it should be. 

And, as we all know, things can change in an instant. Maybe I'll check my email tomorrow and have five people asking for available dates? Or maybe I won't... 

For now, I am ordering 50 postcards for a business in Gasconade County who likes my work. ;-)

Until later, 
Michelle

PS Yes, I have a first name. ;-) 
MK Designs Photography October 2014.