Less art, nature, and photography today... Instead more "life" today.
I am one of those people who has to really work hard at being positive. It doesn't come to me naturally...neither did riding a bike, running, or swimming. Unlike those physical endeavors, I haven't given up (yet) on the mental exercise of positivity.
Yet, in the present moment, I am seriously struggling. 2015 has, lack for a better word, been shitty.
Watching ones you love struggle wears on the mind, and the body.
In just the last month I've had a horrid virus (flu-like) and now my allergies are at an all-time high (thank you Missouri pollen). I am physically drained.
I did however decide to attempt to walk more, and partake less calorie-laden boozy beverages recently. My two-week experiment made an 8 pound difference on the scale. Maybe I'll keep it up and try to be a bit of a better person longer than two weeks?
Lately, I find myself learning more and more about Autism, Aspergers, Behavioral & Emotional Disorders, as well as how insurance companies work (or do not) for said issues.
I'm also learning more about the aging, and how perhaps "Right to Die" activists are on to something. Death with dignity for humans and not just our pets? Hmmmm?
As for the single life, as much as I enjoy it - I have to admit it flat out sucks not having anyone to celebrate accomplishments with, or to go hand me a cough drop when the pollen becomes too much. All though I am not sure I've ever really had that with any significant other, being "supported" tends to land a lot on my own shoulders in and out of a relationship.
I am hopeful that soon, very soon, 2015 sucks a lot less. Maybe come May 1st? Or Maybe "Come Monday" as my friend Jimmy sings.
On a positive note:
...the new camera body seems to be working like a dream!
...Eddie Vedder and Van Morrison have helped me sleep better these days.
...I had a senior session last night and the light was wonderful.
...I am going on a "dream trip" this summer (for me) to Yellowstone and the Tetons! WooHoo!
Until next time...
~ M
Not my typical "see the beauty" type of post...
Lately, I am down in the dumps. Admit it, all these "sunshine and roses" bloggers rarely admit that, do they? Well, I can and I am!
I am feeling ultra crab-tastic lately.
I am trying to see the blessings and the positives. I really am. However, I feel a bit empty... and am focused on a "loss" I experienced this past year. My heart is heavy. It really hit me last Friday.
The term and definition of what a "best friend" is and should be has changed dramatically in my life. Yes, "friends" come and go like the wind, but some are "constant" - or at least you think they are.
Walking away from a friendship that has been a part of your life for decades is hard. Letting go of someone you enjoyed and shared a really amazing history with... it's so difficult. Navigating the waters of life without someone you deeply cared for so much, it's just (for lack of a better word) SHITTY.
Yet, I have been doing it... because once certain lines are crossed, you just can't go back to the "way it was." Sometimes you have to step away from a friend because staying around to watch what they have evolved into is too painful: emotionally, physically, and more...
It's been a process these past (going on) 11 months.
I've opened my heart up to new people, as well as others I have known on a more casual basis for years.
I've been learning from others that I am a great listener and source of support. I am so glad God has placed me in the lives of a few new friends who really do need that "sisterhood."
It's also been pointed out to me that I am good at making new friends and connections. That is such a blessing.
It was a bit of a shock to me, but I also realized some of my other friends I have known for a long time were actually there wanting more of my time, which is good because I do have way more of it to give.
It doesn't totally take away the sadness and sting, but it helps.
Sometimes, though, I hear a song, see a joke, watch a bit of TV and almost make contact. Just in the past five days I almost broke down twice and said "I miss you, my old friend."
However, upon further thought... I realized I do not. I miss what used to be. I miss the past, not the present. Instead of trying to breathe life into something that is no more, I need to get back to focusing on the present and the future.... even if the cast of characters has changed.
Is it just me?
Have any of you felt this?
~ Michelle
MK Designs. Jan 2015.
