I Have This Hope...For Healing!

Life's been intense. 

From one extreme to another seems to be the theme, but I've kept up so far on my 2017 goal of getting off my keister to hike, walk, and now camp more. For that, I am quite content. Haven't lost a pound, but I've gained more confidence and some amazing experiences. 

So much beauty out there...off the couch and out the front door!

On a totally different note, I've been contemplating the struggles I've watched people I care for endure... 

I wish the answer was a simple as "get off your arse and go walk in nature." 

Granted, a good walk in the woods can lead to healing on many levels, but some wounds run so deep that it's hard to heal that quickly or simply. 

See the heart? I found this at Hickory Canyons Natural Area (MO).

In the end, all I can do is pray, listen, offer time, and hope like crazy the physical ailments, the emotional drains, and broken hearts can be healed. Simply put, it hurts me to see people hurt. 

Yet, I do not want my empathy to be taken as pity. I know the people I see subjected to the trials of life are strong and would hate to be the subject of "poor him/her" thoughts. (As would I, too!) 

While the "right" words escape me, my parting uplifting thoughts include;

* Keep Swimming (Dory).

* Be Still and Know...

* "No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you've come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself."

* Kindness Matters.

* Fresh Air Clears the Mind.

* "One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

* When in doubt, listen to "Three Little Birds."

* Give it to God. 

* Just breathe... and know you have a friend out there who is thinking of you!

May your worries and troubles be healed, 

the M of MK Designs Photography

June 1, 2017

Lately... Ice, Kindness, Encouragement, Instagram, and more!

If you are new the party, welcome. :-)

Lately, it's been a bit difficult to get off my a$$ and walk/photograph more. Mother nature isn't very cooperative. On the days I am at the "day job" - she likes to toss me 60+ degree weather. The days I do not work are comprised of ice that could break my back. 

Yes, 1-13-17 is quite a time. Ice storm, Friday the 13th, and a full moon. I can't say I blame Soulard Art Gallery (and banks, schools, businesses, etc.) for closing. Tonight's opening of the "Driven to Abstraction II" show I am in has been postponed until next Friday. 

So today, I forced myself to get off my a$$ by working towards bettering my "photographic world." 

I got a wild hair in 2017 and decided it was time to try Instagram again for MK Designs. So, today I read tutorials to add an instagram widget to my website mkdesignsphoto and to this blog you are reading. Wasn't easy, but I figured it out. 

Then, I designed a simple ad for my MK Designs facebook page that will also go in a local high school newspaper. I was gifted free advertising by a fellow photographer who had already purchased for the whole year, but is deciding to scale back a bit. I am blessed that through our friendship she thought of me when she made this decision. 

I don't understand the need to be in "competition" with fellow artists and photographers to the point of petty backstabbing or undercutting each other. Friendly competition is a good thing, but taking it too far burns bridges. I am thankful that the bridge between she and I is a strong one. 

On that note, I am excited that not only I made the "Driven to Abstraction II" show in Soulard, but another local photographer did, too. She even gave me a shout out on social media for it! 

I am a firm believer in kindness and encouragement. When I saw some of the work she posted, I felt it was perfect for a show. I didn't hesitate to let her know. THIS is how we should all treat each other, don't you think?

I have to admit that there's other things I could do today (1-13-17) to get off my a$$, but after adding more content to my website, starting this blog post, and many other things... my couch and a book are screaming my name. 

More to come later... 

What is Wealth?

First year of college. To this day, I am thankful my mom made this financially possible.

In 42 1/2 years I have ran the full range of financial situations. 
I have...

• gone from having close to three figures in a bank account to being wiped out with the snap of my fingers. 
• lived paycheck to paycheck.
• had savings for rainy days that never seemed to end. 
• managed to live credit card debt free until I went a little "spend happy" on home improvements and quickly learned how challenging that can be to actually pay off. 
• known to never EVER touch my retirement fund. Yes, I have a retirement fund.
• paid with cash to save money. 
• bartered services to save money.
• been jealous of those who have more.
• felt ashamed for taking for granted how well I live.
• been told, "we can't afford that" and hated it.
• have said, "we can't afford that" and understood why self-control matters.

However, I have never been poor.

Felt very "rich" on this trip to Illinois!

I've been accused of being poor by a man who claimed to love me. Perhaps for a time I even believed it. Yet, I recognize now how much of a lie that really is. 

I'd rather keep my childhood spent in a two bedroom mobile home in the woods without fancy dinners and the latest gadgets, than trade it for one in a stick-built house in a subdivision. 

Visiting Paddy Creek in 2012. One of the places my parents took me as a child. Free and fun!

Why? 

Love. 

Family. 

Connection to nature. 

Connection to self. 

Appreciation for the little things. 

My daughter and I love our free and fun creeks, too!

What makes a person "rich" in America? I think so many of us have the wrong answer. It's not the square footage of your house, it's the joy you find in living. It's not having the latest iPhone, it's having someone on the other end you actually want to speak to...or better yet, WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU!

Hiking with my mom at a state park. 

If you have clean water, a warm bed, food on your plate, and people who love you... 

...you are rich beyond measure. 

You are far from poor. You are rich in my eyes. 

Until next time, 

M of MK Designs

mkdesignsphoto.com

Grounded

"Have you been able to rest at all? If you need help, I can probably pack up my things and come up."

Now, that's a friend. 

I'll get back to that soon, but let's rewind to the beginning.

Sunday my week started pretty awesome, or so I thought. FaceTime, in real life no less, with someone I view as an interesting part of my life's landscape for almost two decades, a beautiful sunset once I got home, and dinner with flowers from another newer friend...she was wanting to spoil me a bit. She's known for going above and beyond for others. 

Flowers from T.

Playing with Zoom & Twist with that amazing sunset in my backyard!

The week seemed to he starting off fairly grand, but we know grand can change in a snap.

If I give my days a report card for Mon-Fri, this is how it goes:

Mon: C+
Tues: D+
Wed: F
Thurs: D
Fri: F

That report card would get ya grounded, eh? And, it did for me! Grounded in many ways.

Grounded to my house sick as can be most of the week.

Grounded in that I am once again reminded that "time marches on" and it stops for nobody.

Grounded in knowing that my #1. priority needs to be Faith - which has been a little rocky this month...that way I can focus (with His help) on parenting/raising my daughter to reach her true potential (which is a challenge). 

A little walk in Robertsville State Park two weeks ago.

Grounded in knowing the fragility of life and our time here. Yes, Michelle, it's time to stop delaying satisfaction. Not that I need to go blow thousands of dollars or follow Dave Grohl on the road (that's extreme), but I guiltily admit my camera body is outdated. Very outdated. I finally ordered a new one so my work will continue to grow. That's one example of an itch I plan to scratch this year. 

I am so bad at parting with $, but it's time!
PS The camera bag I got for it is AMAZING (and so me).

Grounded in saying enough is enough with the buzzing & dinging of personal Facebook notifications on my phone. Buzz buzz. Ding Ding. I deleted my personal FB app (kept biz pages & messenger) off my phone. I have to log into a web browser to see it now. Now I can nap, listen to tunes I stream through my phone to my speaker system, have a conversation on my phone, etc - without Facebook personal push notifications distracting the hell out of me. I may add the app back when I travel from time to time for ease, but I am not missing it so far.

Oh, and grounded in that I am reminded of who my real friends are. Ya know, not the flirty playful constant jokesters who entertain me, but the ones like Kris who takes care of kids all day, as well as her family, who sent me this message...

"Have you been able to rest at all? If you need help, I can probably pack up my things and come up."

Kris may kill me for this scanned photo from college days! 

Thank you, Kris. It's not that bad you gotta haul it here from Columbia, Mo. That you'd do that for me means so much. Luckily, I got Terri and Tyann bringing me bland food, medicine, Gatorade, etc. 

That's what friends do, right? Keep you grounded, even when your grade card for the week was atrocious. 

Oh, and the F on Friday was capped off with a wonderful sunset. As long as I still notice the sunsets, I know that I am ok. :) 

Friday's "F" day, ended with an A sunset! 

Signing off for now... while still slightly grounded in Missouri listening to the Soul Patrol on Planet Radio http://www.planetradio.us as I compose this first draft of this blog post (note: you'll see a revision!)... 

Much love, ~M

PS Enjoy this: 

On Honesty and Friendship...and Rest Peacefully Kayla Mueller

It's a bizarre feeling to know that someone deeply values your thoughts. ((Not those filtered thoughts that are safe, but your true raw inner thoughts.)) 

Over the years I have been accused of being too honest, of not using my filter enough, of having too strong of an opinion. 

However, in the past year and even in the past few hours... those accusations haven't been filled with hostility. They are filled with gratitude. 

The truth is this: real friends SHOULD be able to tell the truth even when the truth isn't necessarily uplifting. Our world is too full of "yes" people - individuals who will just tell you what they think you want to hear, not what you need to hear. 

I am humbled that tonight was one of those instances where someone sought me out because they knew I wasn't going to feed them a line of BS, but tell them what I really think of a really crappy situation they have been dealing with. 

We all need friends like that in our lives. Tell the truth, not just a bunch of candy-coated lies. I am honored I get to be that friend for a few people. I am thankful for the friends I have who do that for me. (Jen! Terri! Kris! Christie! Ty! and a few more) 

Am I wise? No. I really feel any "wisdom" I have gained isn't that great. 

Have I had all these "life experiences" that you read about in books? Maybe a few, but not that many in comparison to others. 

However, I do have a compassionate heart and the willingness to say, "God, use me... Let me be what it is you want me to be in this world."

Tonight I find myself praying for my friend(s) in need, as well as family of Kayla Jean Mueller. Don't know who she is? Educate yourself.  Here: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2015/02/10/385182490/u-s-hostage-kayla-mueller-confirmed-dead

In Kayla's memory.... and also in dedication to a dear friend who is in need of a rest from a lot of troubles lately:

The Break Up.

Not my typical "see the beauty" type of post...

Lately, I am down in the dumps. Admit it, all these "sunshine and roses" bloggers rarely admit that, do they? Well, I can and I am!

I am feeling ultra crab-tastic lately.

I am trying to see the blessings and the positives. I really am. However, I feel a bit empty... and am focused on a "loss" I experienced this past year. My heart is heavy. It really hit me last Friday.

The term and definition of what a "best friend" is and should be has changed dramatically in my life. Yes, "friends" come and go like the wind, but some are "constant" - or at least you think they are. 

Walking away from a friendship that has been a part of your life for decades is hard. Letting go of someone you enjoyed and shared a really amazing history with... it's so difficult. Navigating the waters of life without someone you deeply cared for so much, it's just (for lack of a better word) SHITTY.

Yet, I have been doing it... because once certain lines are crossed, you just can't go back to the "way it was." Sometimes you have to step away from a friend because staying around to watch what they have evolved into is too painful: emotionally, physically, and more... 

It's been a process these past (going on) 11 months. 

I've opened my heart up to new people, as well as others I have known on a more casual basis for years. 

I've been learning from others that I am a great listener and source of support. I am so glad God has placed me in the lives of a few new friends who really do need that "sisterhood."  

It's also been pointed out to me that I am good at making new friends and connections. That is such a blessing.

It was a bit of a shock to me, but I also realized some of my other friends I have known for a long time were actually there wanting more of my time, which is good because I do have way more of it to give. 

It doesn't totally take away the sadness and sting, but it helps. 

Sometimes, though, I hear a song, see a joke, watch a bit of TV and almost make contact. Just in the past five days I almost broke down twice and said "I miss you, my old friend." 

However, upon further thought... I realized I do not. I miss what used to be. I miss the past, not the present. Instead of trying to breathe life into something that is no more, I need to get back to focusing on the present and the future.... even if the cast of characters has changed. 

Is it just me? 

Have any of you felt this?

~ Michelle
MK Designs. Jan 2015. 

Kill the Apps & Do NOT Force It!

KILL THE APPS!

A little over a week ago, I had nearly three full pages of apps (some housed within folders) on my iPhone. I am now down to a page and 1/2 of apps... and many of those folders are cut nearly in half of their contents. 

As I have pulled more and more apps off my iPhone, I have found it has made me more focused on:
1. using it to create task lists for work (and get those tasks done!)
2. as well as focus more on what really matters within the confines of that little device: communication with ones I care for
3. research for work and a state office I hold for scholastic journalism
4. inspiration for my own photography and actually getting more done with my own photography instead of just "thinking about it" 

It's also helped me take a step back and realize this is more important than ever... 

DO NOT FORCE IT! aka IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME. 

Over the years I have heard over and over how much "work" a relationship is. And, that's for any relationship: family, lover, spouse, friend, etc. 

However, I just don't buy it anymore. Yes, relationships require work in that you may have to drop everything (not because you're forced to but because you want to) in order to try to comfort a friend. However, it shouldn't be this sense of "obligation" or a "chore." 

1992 Senior Prom. My friend Emily Rose. Met the first day of Freshman Year of HS. Have we always been in constant touch? No. We have had our years and months on hiatus, but that's ok. I would like to hope she knows by now I am here. Always. And, I know by now she has my back as well. We don't have to always be in each other's business to know we are friends. This beautiful person, my friend Emily, has one of the biggest hearts and I just love her laugh. Nothing "forced" - we just let it happen. And, sometimes it doesn't happen... and that's ok. :-)

One thing I have figured out in the past few months is this: if anyone (family, loves, friends, etc.) thinks being around me is a "chore" - then don't bother. Yeah, I guess I am finally "saying it" - you don't have to like me. I am not everyone's cup of tea (or shot of whiskey) and that is ok. 

Me. Today. 2014. Rained on & a little tired, but content! 

For too long I made the mistake of staying in relationships (of all kinds) that weren't working...trying to force things into place. (maybe you have been guilty of that, too?) I have finally learned, that just like eating too much fast food, that kind of life is not healthy for any party involved. 

It's perfectly ok to take a break, and pick back up (or not!) in a few months or years if a relationship is a "chore" or "forced" to the point of discomfort. Forcing the issue or trying to chase down a "relationship" only makes matters tense to the point of ugliness. I have seen enough of that in my lifetime. I'm ready for some beauty. 

This weekend was beauty. 

If you do what you love, the right people come into your life.

If you love yourself, others often love you more. 

This was my first full "free" weekend since Labor Day... and every day there was a special person involved that contacted me for my time.

"I do not want to take long walks in the rain." Well, looks like I did! (photo thanks to Slava!)

Leslie invited me to dinner Friday with her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend. All her plan. Miller's Grill. Yum! :-)

Kris - for months has plotted out this weekend getaway. She came up to visit Saturday to Sunday morning. She said she didn't care what we did, just that she wanted to be with me. ((honored)) We did so much around downtown Washington and beyond...AND we were able to fit in a quick visit with my parents too! #Blessed 

Sunday afternoon, my friend Slava (http://www.slavabowman.com) and I finally redeemed the tickets she bought us this summer for the new Photography Museum in St. Louis... and found a stellar place to eat! She invited me to do this in the summer! 

International Photography Hall of Fame and Museum http://www.iphf.org

The Fountain on Locust! WOW! http://www.fountainonlocust.com/

Every person I saw and spent time with this weekend initiated that contact. Wanted my time. Sought my friendship and company. THAT feels so good. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you are the one ALWAYS making the contact, ALWAYS forcing the time together to happen... STOP. Re-eval the situation. Is spending that much energy on people who aren't interested really worth it? In some cases, yes - in most... I dare say... no. Free up your time for the people who actually do want you in their lives and share commonalities with you. Open yourself up to new experiences and people. It's ok. 

Reluctant selfies (KRIS!), Bob Dotson loves me & my kids/students on twitter, raindrops on a Sunday morning, my mantra for my spare time, a new project I will encounter soon thanks to the Painted Home http://thepaintedhomes.com, and cozy quilts (thank you, mom). 

Remember... we are only here for so long. Nothing is promised here as far as how long we get to be on Planet Earth. Enjoy it. Don't waste precious energy on negativity 24/7 and embrace the beauty around you. 

Again, "I do not want long walks in the rain." Well, ended up I did want them because we had a blast. 

Much love and well wishes...
Until next time, 
M of MK Designs
November 2014