The Break Up.

Not my typical "see the beauty" type of post...

Lately, I am down in the dumps. Admit it, all these "sunshine and roses" bloggers rarely admit that, do they? Well, I can and I am!

I am feeling ultra crab-tastic lately.

I am trying to see the blessings and the positives. I really am. However, I feel a bit empty... and am focused on a "loss" I experienced this past year. My heart is heavy. It really hit me last Friday.

The term and definition of what a "best friend" is and should be has changed dramatically in my life. Yes, "friends" come and go like the wind, but some are "constant" - or at least you think they are. 

Walking away from a friendship that has been a part of your life for decades is hard. Letting go of someone you enjoyed and shared a really amazing history with... it's so difficult. Navigating the waters of life without someone you deeply cared for so much, it's just (for lack of a better word) SHITTY.

Yet, I have been doing it... because once certain lines are crossed, you just can't go back to the "way it was." Sometimes you have to step away from a friend because staying around to watch what they have evolved into is too painful: emotionally, physically, and more... 

It's been a process these past (going on) 11 months. 

I've opened my heart up to new people, as well as others I have known on a more casual basis for years. 

I've been learning from others that I am a great listener and source of support. I am so glad God has placed me in the lives of a few new friends who really do need that "sisterhood."  

It's also been pointed out to me that I am good at making new friends and connections. That is such a blessing.

It was a bit of a shock to me, but I also realized some of my other friends I have known for a long time were actually there wanting more of my time, which is good because I do have way more of it to give. 

It doesn't totally take away the sadness and sting, but it helps. 

Sometimes, though, I hear a song, see a joke, watch a bit of TV and almost make contact. Just in the past five days I almost broke down twice and said "I miss you, my old friend." 

However, upon further thought... I realized I do not. I miss what used to be. I miss the past, not the present. Instead of trying to breathe life into something that is no more, I need to get back to focusing on the present and the future.... even if the cast of characters has changed. 

Is it just me? 

Have any of you felt this?

~ Michelle
MK Designs. Jan 2015.